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Ever have your eyes wide open?

It's strange how we can convince ourselves to stay content. We tell ourselves to not "rock the boat" or "it will get better, just give it time." Eleven years go by and one day you have a moment of complete clarity.

Needless to say a lot has changed in the last year. I haven't been writing much, not that I posted a lot on here to begin with, but a lot happened and I've been on the mend.

Things are looking up though. I am finding pieces of myself that I had forgotten or hid away to keep the peace. I'm dusting those bits off and it feels pretty good. It hasn't been easy, but I guess it's not meant to be...something about living and suffering...blah blah blah.

I carved out a small bit of peace though and I'm taking full advantage. Back to reading and I'm getting back to writing. About to read through the book I wrote and I have to say, I can find one thousand and one reasons not to read it. I know it's fear mostly. I have to do it though, it is what I always wanted to do. My first best friend in elementary school had a heart condition. She had to spend a large part of her life in a wheel chair due to her heart not pumping enough oxygen throughout her body. The one thing we had in common was we both liked to write. I remember we wrote a short story together. Can't remember for the life of me what it was called but we were proud for a moment. We both vowed to become authors one day. I don't know exactly what happened to her all those years ago, but I feel in many ways that I failed us both for not pursuing the one thing I had always been passionate about. Funny that we do that to ourselves. Take away the few things that give us joy.

Well, I'm trying to find that again, that sense of purpose, that sense of joy. That moment when you open your eyes wide and see things can be better. It's slowly coming back and hopefully I will get to share it.


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